A Framework for Deciding Who Makes the Cut
Can't Agree on the Guest List?
Most guest list fights aren’t really about the people; they’re about capacity, cost, and fairness. The easiest way to stay on the same team is to use one shared rule you both commit to upfront.
Here’s the simple method couples use in our app:
Score every guest 1–5 (independently). No negotiating while you score.
We combine your scores automatically. One ranked list, no spreadsheets.
You set a target headcount. (Venue limit, budget limit, or both.)
Draw the cutoff line. Above the line = invited. Below the line = not invited.
Less arguing. More clarity. And every decision has a consistent reason behind it.
The guest list is one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning because it’s where emotions collide with math. Every “yes” affects your budget, your venue, and your timeline—and every “no” can feel personal.
This guide gives you a clear framework for deciding who to invite. We’ll cover:
The must-invites (non-negotiables)
The “almost certainly” group
The gray area (work friends, plus-ones, kids, old friends)
How to handle family pressure without starting a war
A simple scoring method for tough calls
The Must-Invite List (Non-Negotiables)
These are the people most couples include unless there’s a serious reason not to.
Immediate Family
Parents and step-parents
Siblings and step-siblings
Grandparents (if living and able to travel)
Exceptions exist, estrangement, abuse, or situations where safety and peace matter more than tradition.
Your Wedding Party
If someone is standing with you at the altar, they’re invited. In most cases, their committed partner is invited too.
Your Partner’s Immediate Family
Same rules on both sides. Even if you’re not close yet, you’re building one family.
The “Almost Certainly” List
This group typically makes the cut unless your venue or budget is very tight.
Extended Family (With One Rule)
Aunts, uncles, and first cousins are common invites. The part that causes drama is inconsistency.
Pick a rule you can repeat, like:
“Immediate family + first cousins only.”
“No second cousins.”
“Aunts/uncles only (no cousins).”
Consistency is kinder than “case-by-case.”
Lifelong Friends
Friends you’ve kept through major life stages
Friends who show up when it matters
People you’d truly miss if they weren’t there
Family Friends
People who watched you grow up can matter a lot—especially to parents. Set boundaries early by giving each set of parents a specific number of seats.
Example: “We can offer 10 seats per side for family friends.”
The Gray Area (Where It Gets Hard)
This is where frameworks help - because feelings alone don’t scale.
Work Friends
Rule of thumb: If you don’t socialize outside of work, they probably don’t make the cut.
You can invite a few coworkers without inviting the whole team. Your boss is not automatically invited.
College / Old Friends
The 12-month test: Have you talked (meaningfully) in the last year?
If not, they may have drifted from “friend” to “warm acquaintance.” That’s normal - and it’s okay to reflect it in your guest list.
Plus-Ones for Single Guests
Committed relationship (married, engaged, living together, or long-term) = usually a yes
Casual dating = your discretion
Be consistent - avoid giving plus-ones to some single friends and not others without a clear rule
Children
Common options:
All kids welcome
Family kids only
Wedding party kids only
No kids
Whatever you choose, apply it uniformly and communicate it early so parents can plan childcare.
Who You Don’t Need to Invite
If you’re looking for permission to protect your budget and your peace: here it is.
Obligation Invites
“They invited me to their wedding” → not a reason if you’ve drifted apart
“We used to be close” → past tense is doing a lot of work
“My parents expect it” → expectations aren’t the same as requirements
Social Media Friends
Following each other isn’t a relationship. Ask: Would I grab dinner with this person 1:1?
Coworkers You Barely Know
Your boss’s boss, the entire department when you only know a few people, or anyone who would be surprised to receive an invitation.
How to Handle Family Pressure (Without Blowing Things Up)
You can be kind and firm. Use a script you can repeat.
Acknowledge: “I know Aunt Carol matters to you.”
State the constraint: “Our venue holds 120 and we’re already over.”
Offer a path: “If someone comes off the list, we can reconsider.”
Stay united: say “we decided,” not “I decided.”
If parents are contributing financially, it’s reasonable to allocate a set number of seats—just define it early.
A Simple Scoring Method for Tough Calls
When you’re stuck on someone, stop debating and score the decision. This keeps your logic consistent across your whole list.
The 5-Question Framework
Closeness (0–2): Are they genuinely close family or a close friend?
Future (0–2): Will they realistically be in your life 5–10 years from now?
History (0–2): Have they been present for major moments?
Mutuality (0–2): Is the relationship two-way (effort, care, consistency)?
Dinner test (0–2): Would you happily get dinner with them 1:1?
How to Interpret Scores
8–10: Invite
5–7: Invite if you have room (or put on your “B list”)
0–4: Likely skip
Make It a Partner Exercise
Score independently first. Then compare. Only discuss the guests where your scores are far apart—those are your real decision points.
This works great—until you have 150+ names. Our app lets both partners rank every guest independently, then combines scores automatically and draws a cutoff line based on your target headcount.
FAQs About Who to Invite
What if my parents are paying - do they get to add guests?
Often, yes - but set a number upfront (for example: “10 seats per side”). You can still veto anyone who would create conflict or discomfort.
Do I have to invite my partner’s extended family if I don’t know them?
Not automatically. The better rule is: invite based on your partner’s closeness and apply consistent boundaries (for example: “immediate family + first cousins, no second cousins”).
How do I uninvite someone?
If you already sent a save-the-date, it’s extremely difficult and can damage relationships. If you haven’t sent invitations yet, simply don’t send one. Avoid uninviting through social media or indirect messaging.
What’s the etiquette on B-listing guests?
If you’re using a B list, send those invitations with enough time for guests to plan—typically at least 6–8 weeks before the wedding. They should receive a normal invitation, not a “we had a cancellation” message.
Related Resources
Wedding Guest List Template — Free template to organize your list
How to Organize a Wedding Guest List — Step-by-step setup guide
How to Decide Who to Invite — Deep dive into the scoring method
How to Determine Who to Invite — Etiquette guide for edge cases