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Guest List Tips

How to Determine Who to Invite to Your Wedding: Etiquette & Edge Cases

By Editorial Team · December 24, 2025

Clear Guidelines for the Decisions That Keep You Up at Night

Apply Your Etiquette Rules Consistently

Once you've decided your policies, you need a system to enforce them.

Our app lets you:

  • Set rules (no plus-ones for casual dating, no kids except family)
  • Both partners rank every guest independently
  • Slide the cutoff to your target count
  • Rules apply automatically as you adjust

No more "but we said..." arguments.

Apply Your Rules →

Some guest list decisions are easy. Your sister? Invited. Your best friend since kindergarten? Obviously.

Then there are the other decisions. Do your single friends get plus-ones? What about your partner's coworkers you've never met? If you invite one cousin, do you have to invite all 23 of them?

This guide covers the etiquette rules and edge cases that cause the most stress.

Plus-One Etiquette

Who Automatically Gets a Plus-One

These categories are essentially non-negotiable:

  • Married couples — Always invite as a unit
  • Engaged couples — Same as married
  • Cohabiting partners — Living together signals commitment
  • Long-term relationships (1+ year) — Even if not living together
  • Wedding party members — Even if single

Who Doesn't Need a Plus-One

  • Casually dating (<6 months) — New relationships don't require an invite
  • Single guests who know other people — They won't be alone
  • Anyone where you don't know the partner's name

The Consistency Rule

Whatever you decide, apply it to everyone. "All committed relationships get a plus-one, casual dating does not" is a policy. Consistency protects you.

Children at Weddings

Option 1: All Children Welcome

Family-friendly celebration:

  • Expect kids at dinner and on the dance floor
  • Budget impact: Kids' meals cost 50-75% of adult

Option 2: Family Children Only

Nieces, nephews, godchildren, wedding party kids:

  • Draws a clear line based on relation
  • "We're only having family children"

Option 3: Wedding Party Children Only

Just flower girls and ring bearers:

  • Easiest to enforce
  • "The only children will be in the ceremony"

Option 4: Adults Only

  • Frame positively: "We've planned an adult evening"
  • Communicate early so parents can find childcare
  • Consider providing a babysitter recommendation

How to Communicate It

  • Address invitations to specific names only
  • Never put "No children" on the invitation
  • Follow up with a kind phone call if needed

Coworker Etiquette

The General Rule

If you don't socialize outside of work, you don't have to invite them.

  • You can invite some coworkers without inviting all
  • Your boss is not automatically invited

When to Invite Coworkers

  • You hang out outside work hours
  • They've become genuine friends
  • You'd stay friends if one of you left

How to Handle the Office

  • Don't discuss the wedding constantly at work
  • If asked: "We're keeping it small"
  • Don't hand out invitations at the office

Family Edge Cases

Divorced Parents

  • Both are invited (to different tables if needed)
  • Their new partners are invited if the relationship is established
  • Check with your parent before inviting their ex's new partner

Estranged Family Members

You are not obligated to invite anyone who causes you distress. A wedding is not the venue for reconciliation.

Parents' Guest Lists

  • Give each set of parents a number (e.g., 15-25 guests)
  • You send the invitations, not them
  • You have veto power over anyone who'd cause drama

"If I Invite A, Do I Have to Invite B?"

Scenario Do You Have To?
Invite one sibling, must invite others? Yes, generally
Invite one cousin, must invite all cousins? Pick a rule and apply consistently
Invite one coworker, must invite the team? No
Invite someone's spouse, must invite their kids? Not necessarily

Obligation Invites

"They Invited Me to Their Wedding"

This is not binding. If you've drifted apart, no obligation exists.

"My Parents Will Be Upset"

Acknowledge their feelings, explain your constraints, offer alternatives.

"We've Been Friends Forever"

Past tense friendship ≠ current obligation. The 12-month test: Have you talked meaningfully in the past year?

Late Additions and Changes

B-List Etiquette

  • Wait for RSVP deadline before inviting B-list
  • Send a real invitation (not "someone cancelled")
  • Invite at least 6-8 weeks before the wedding
  • They should never know they were on the B-list

Uninviting Someone

  • After save-the-date: Extremely difficult, avoid if possible
  • Before any communication: Simply don't send an invitation
  • In extreme cases: A private, honest conversation

Last-Minute Plus-One Requests

It's okay to say no if you're at capacity:

"We're at our venue limit, but we'd love to meet them another time!"

Documenting Your Rules

Before invitations go out, write down your policies:

  • Plus-one rules
  • Children policy
  • Parent guest allocations

Share with your partner so you're aligned. Reference it when questioned: "We decided early on that..."

Rules are only useful if you enforce them consistently. Our app lets you mark policies and applies them automatically as you cut to your target count.

Apply Your Rules →

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